Life is a piece of art

The world is a cruel place with choices that break and make us.

Smiles are blank faces hiding the raw truth.

Don’t get caught in the cycle

Pave your way

Earn don’t waste!

Art By: Onmaxx

Advertisements

Living your dream with kids…

I have been in my feelings lately, or should i say in my head. The older I get the harder I dream. It’s as though time is running away from me and having a child makes it all the more difficult.

No one could ever say they are completely ready for a child, but i have known many women who give up on their dreams to raise a family or raise their child and I know I am not of them. some people say children make you push harder because you are doing it for the kid but I am still doing it for myself.

I am still Onmaxx and I still love and hate the same things I did in the past, I am ready for a kid just not ready to change my life for a kid. I believe bearing life is the greatest gift ever and I wanted to start having kids young enough to live a little and still be around to probably see my great grand children.

My little bundle of joy will obviously come first but I am very free spirited and I refuse to give up my dreams for a child. My child is not my world. My world is the life I create.

As adults we have children and force our failed un-lived dreams onto them and that is far from the parent I will be.

I am just excited to see them grow and choose their own paths.

Mommy will always be mommy but I will still go out, I will still travel without them when they are too young to enjoy the experience, I will fight for my dream and I will never stop believing. Working is what I currently do to support myself, granted I may be a little broker but no one could ever be fully prepped financially for a child so on this journey I go.

Why do so many mommies make children their world? of course they are but you are still living, you are still you and being yourself is what helps a child see how to be themselves.

STAR POWER!

P.S : To mommies out there being a house wife or a parent is just a task another job. You don’t have to be a whole different person. Remember who you were before having  a child. Live a little.

Females Friends

Sometimes I wish I was a guy because when it comes to friendship, men solely don’t give two shits about their actions and to top it off, they are more forgiving than females. It may just be me, but I can’t seem to find genuine female friends who do not talk behind your back. It takes me one glimpse of your hidden side to know I can not trust you and if an argument arises, if it’s important enough, I am all for abolishing our friendship just like slavery.

Am I too harsh. Should I let things slide?

I believe a friend will tell you you are wrong, help you grow and support you even if it’s not something they would do in a million years.

I have lost friendships like this and over the years  because apparently not didn’t choose a path in life some would. I preferred to dream and try to accomplish my greatest desire while still living and succeeding in my everyday life. Then I have lost contact with some great people due to the fact that we just grew apart, if I don’t call they won’t. If I don’t text they won’t.

Granted no one is perfect…Are females just too harsh on each other?

At this point i’d rather be alone than have fake minions follow me around. Mean girls is outplayed and I do not need confirmation from anyone I just need you to be 100% genuine. Flawed is not accepted

20 Weeks Pregnant

I have finally made the half way point during this pentacle journey and boy am I excited.

So far along my pregnancy I haven’t really noticed any major changes aside from weight gain but my body is going through it right now.

I have acne and due to it being winter my skin is always dry and itchy, sooo I try to keep myself well moisturized. I have gained about 27 pounds but I was 100lbs prior to this pregnancy so I do not look fat at all, I  practically look normal now. I have gained cellulite in my butt and thigh area but i am not worried. I am embracing it all. What I can’t embrace is these acne scars and my armpits have grown undesirably darker. I have back acne not face acne but I scar easily and now my back is a mess. I can’t watch my body go to waste so I have started to use aloe to help with the scaring also, I think quote in quote that I have received my first stretch mark and I am not with it. I was told folic acid can help with this as folic acid controls the elasticity of your skin.  My breast haven’t grown 😦 but I am considerably much hairier right now.

From Friday 11th 2019, I will be starting my pregnancy beauty regimen so I shall keep you ladies posted to what works vs what hasn’t. Everyone’s body is different but with tender love and care you can preserve your beauty to the best of your ability.

I was not working out during my first 20 weeks but I started yesterday and boyy can I tell I am out of shape. I could have hardly keep up and was out of breathe faster than I could imagine. I love the burn so I have decided until birth or until I am really uncomfortable, I am going to start working out again. During this 20 weeks, my main goal is flexibility. I will be doing a lot of stretches, yoga and minor leg workouts to help up keep my body. Also I was told working out helps prepare you for labor. I am not prepping for a marathon, I am just going to consistently perform 30 mins of workout a day.

what are some issues you ladies have been experiencing during your pregnancy?

Experienced Mommies please share your secrets.

Suffering Depression

Today,  I found out someone I didn’t really know but was acquainted with committed suicide.

It seems like the happiest people always seem to be the ones who leave us to early.

I want to encourage everyone to look out for your friends, family and even strangers. We may not know what they are going through but life is too short to bother with anything but reality.

For those of you that are suffering depression, YOU ARE NOT ALONE ! your life matters and even when your light is dimmer than the shadows please please please remember there is always another day, another way. You may not even realize but you light the lives of so many around you starting with family, friends and strangers you cross paths with.

Depression is a serious thing as me myself ride this roller coaster daily but I watched my mom give up and when she took her own life it left our family devastated. Many people couldn’t understand why she would be so selfish to leave 3 children motherless, but as i am older I understand when you feel alone the darkness is more inviting. Sometimes the strength we need to push forward is not what we see or feel, it comes from within yourself. It comes from realizing that the world is your playground and to be happy means you have to shape your life just like we all have shaped play dough.

No one was born on accident embrace life and find a support group to lean on if needed. Drugs won’t numb the pain. leaving won’t stop the pain either because we may not know but what if there is a place after death what’s next? plus you are gone but now many alive are sad. All you can do is continue to live and shine like you have always had. Search for meaning in your life and don’t you ever give up.

Never out your light. You are special, you are worth it. There is beauty in your uniqueness. It makes you  you!

 

18 weeks pregnant

Surprisee… I am 18 weeks pregnant with my first and for the first time tonight, I think I may have felt my little joy move. If that wasn’t my baby I have major worms lol.

This is definitely a planned pregnancy but I was still shocked when the test said positive, I left it on the toilet seat and went along my jolly day. It took him over an hr to notice but I was scared and unexcited about something I actually planned. I thought over and over this is a mistake and at times I thought can I press pause or just give it back but the further along I got, I would say week 12 is when I got excited. I know children are a big responsibility but I am of age and financially well off to handle it . I mean i am not perfect, I definitely will have to change a lot of my habits but I am or when I decided then I was mentality ready for the step. I have a wonderful husband who is supportive and right about now I am godzilla.

Pregnancy has been beautiful so far aside from my first trimester morning sickness was kicking my butt to the point I ate every 10 mins just to stop the nausea but this experience is definitely something no one could have prepared me for.

No one said I would eat so much, gain so much weight (from a 00 to a 5) and definitely be this moody. Who eats chickfila nuggets, fries and chinese food at the same damn time? I miss alcohol so much, now I drink extra sweet lemonade like shots on the rock and this one glass of spirit i drink a week is like cocaine to me. my diet is not mine but I am getting in the mindset it’s not for me it’s for the baby so for the next 22 weeks i am more sober than an addict in rehab and I am learning about my mental, spiritual and bodily health.

The only thing my little bundle of joy has truly brought me is hope. I have no motherly instincts yet but I know I will love IT to death and be the guide in life no one was for me.

I believe parents raise their children stealing and preventing them from believing and dreaming. I was very fortunate to travel a lot as a teen and I have experienced many different cultures which let me know children are raised in/by the creative cloud they live in because that is simply all they know instead of the creative cloud of the whole wide world. All I hope is that I can teach my child to embrace and learn from many cultures!

Mommies around the world, do you have any advice for me or my little one?

I Fuxked Up ! Oh well 363 days to 2020

The New year is finally here and I am the same person I was 2 months ago. I already fuxked up 2 days in. I lost my temper when I knew I should have been quiet and keep my peace. My temper is hotter than hot and it is definitely something I have been trying to control for a while now. I am not perfect but I think accepting that and trying to make a change is all I can do.

When I get angry, I get depressed and then the world around me falls apart. I try to pull myself out of this negative pit but it’s hard when you are alone.

Sharing my problems with friends and family leaves me vulnerable and judged. To be real, I do not have money to afford a therapist because I want my money to remain in my pocket so I am stuck between getting no help and self guidance. I can’t be the only one who suffers while smiling but I am the only one who is aware that I wake up most morning wondering what is my purpose and who am I.

I sure don’t have an Identity crisis but I am every abnormal and it has taken me time to appreciate myself. Last year I accomplished a lot in the realm of figuring myself out but I am still broken and it will take me time to mend my attitude and heal the wounds life has left engraved in me.

Therapy can’t be the solution else I would need it for life so I developed my own remedy:

  1. I acknowledge the problem.
  2. I decide what should be changed.
  3. I put a plan into action to correct myself daily.
  4. I take time to love myself flaws and all

You may not be perfect but it is not about where you are but where you are headed.

 

January 5th Partial Solar Eclipse

The new moon in Capricorn is happening in conjunction with a partial solar eclipse on January 5th 2019.

Overall this will bring about positive charismatic energy to every zodiac sign but some signs will be lucky enough to receive an extra bit of pixie dust to help manifest all you need out 2019. The signs which would be greatly affected are:

(Aries, Gemini,Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces )

This new moon in Capricorn is all about new beginnings and can leave an effect on you for up to 6 months. During this period, you will see yourself focus more on your public life, your career, your reputation and your achievements.

this is the time to take chances and trust that the universe is fully supporting your will at work.

overall the new moon in Capricorn is a time to shine a time for transformation so pay attention to the universe as it may hold a message for all who is listening.

Things to look out for:

Aries 

If you are looking for a new career, 2019 new moon has your back. Whatever is brewing will put you in a place of total security and long term success.

Gemini

This new moon wants you to identify where you are settling for less in all your relationships. Don’t be afraid of the darkness for it is where you will see the light.

Virgo

Step out of your comfort zone and go for what you want. Be honest with yourself. It is a 18 month phase of getting rid of pretense and rediscovering your inner child.

Sagittarius 

Stop relying on people. Chart your own course and believe. You have an 18 month phase to grow emotionally and financially.

Pisces

Break free and stay true to your talents. Simply shine! you have had some past difficulties but you have turned the corner so have faith in yourself.

 

What is old?

You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.

2019 is here but are you emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally here?

No one is perfect but then again no ones’ opinion matters but yours.

Believe in yourself, peace of mind is the real bag.

You have 365 days to better yourself. Not everyday will be as planned but everyday you are blessed to wake up. You have choices and chances to make a better life for no one but yourself .

Where are you sitting for 2019?

Passenger or Driver’s seat?

Become the leader you always followed.